** I graduated college May 10, 2019. It is almost exactly one year later and I wanted to put my Facebook post on my blog. Even if it can just help one person to hear my story.**
This is about to be a long emotional post for me because as most people know I am not a very talkative person in a social setting. This is hands down the proudest moment of my life thus far, and not just for graduating but for making it through the journey it took to get here. This may be a simple thing for some people, graduate high school then to college for four years and then get a job. I wish it was, but it was not that simple for me. As some of you may or may not know I struggle with mental illness and it affects every single day of my life. Because of this, it has been extremely hard for me to finish my degree, it took six very long years.
In the Fall 2013 I started commuting to nyc for school, two semesters in I dropped out of college because I mentally couldn’t handle it and I thought “oh I guess college just isn’t for me”. I applied to many trade job programs and couldn’t follow through with them. I took the summer off and was feeling very empty and nine months later I decided to go back to school but this time commute to Paramus. For a long time I loved this but then I started getting overwhelmed again and started skipping classes and dropping classes. I thought I wanted to focus on work more than school, so I switched to be an online student (let me just say this was a horrible decision for me and my mental illness). I just kept on pushing my problems under the rug.
About a year and a half ago I hit the lowest point of my life with my mental health. It was definitely a slow burn but then everything seemed to explode all at once. I quit my job, I stopped driving, I gained weight, I was not leaving the house and most disappointing was I was barely passing my classes. At this point I only had about two semesters worth of classes left. After pushing my problems under the rug for so long and always blowing off my mental illness as “oh I’m just lazy” or “oh guess I’m crazy” for so long, I finally realized I could not handle this anymore and went to the doctor and reached out for help.
My parents and Todd pushed me so hard every single day to just make it through the day and also get my classes done so I can finally get my degree. For this I am eternally grateful, I honestly would not be here today without the three of them. God is good, I have faith that he guided me out of my darkest times and blessed me with the most supportive parents and brought me Todd who is the absolute most supportive and perfect person for me.
So six long years later I am living out my dream finally walking in graduation. I am fully positive that if you ask for help and set your mind to something you can achieve it. I am so god damn proud of myself.
I’m going to be corny and end this post with two quotes that have got me through hard time… “You’re braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think” and “Be all that you can be”